Healing For My Wounded Soul

A few years ago, someone gave me one of the most valuable gifts I've ever received. My good friend presented me an autographed copy of Healing the Masculine Soul by Gordon Dalby. And I'm still trying to process many of the concepts that Gordon presented.

On my way to the gym this morning, I was thinking about some of the "wounds" in my own soul -- and how my life has been influenced by these "things" or "scars" or whatever else one could call them. And sitting here today, I've been thinking about how most people have "wounds" in their lives ... and the real issue becomes not the "woundedness" but what one does once they are in "recovery."

Think about Michael Phelps.

This marvelous athlete didn't grow up in the "lap of luxury" from all indications. He grew up in a single parent home (which is better than a NO parent home), and was diagnosed early on with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). Many folks thought he would be mediocre at best.

And he's ANYTHING but mediocre. He can now claim the title of being the BEST OLYMPIAN of all time! He has exhibited that attitude of humility, confidence, gratitude, and great poise ... all at the same time. And he's one INCREDIBLE swimmer on top of all that!

But we don't have to look to the field of "star athletes" to find "wounded" folks. I can start by simply looking in the mirror (which reminds me of another story, but then again MOST things remind me of a story). The "wounded" man I see in the mirror can overcome the worst obstacles that are placed in his path. But he must want to overcome them. Simply wishing it were so -- or even wishing it were different, accomplishes nothing. The Lord helps us overcome ... because HE has overcome death, hell, and the grave. We can overcome the "wounds" because He was WOUNDED for us.

Starting today, I plan to "overcome" all the wounds I find in my life.

[Phil Hoover]

Is "People Pleasing" a Condition?

“People pleasing” is fairly common. There are many books written on the subject. It is the desire to please others as a way to ensure that they like us. “People pleasers” tend to follow the crowd, agree with the majority opinion, do not want to upset people and or risk people becoming angry or upset with them. “People pleasers” also don’t want to be a “bother” and find it easier to be agreeable and to conform. They also avoid confrontations and try not to bring attention to themselves.

There are many problems with this sort of pleasing behavior. One problem is that acquiescent behavior seems to invite others to take advantage of you. Some might perceive you as “weak.” Because “people pleasers” may be sending off a “vibe” that may be perceived by some as “weak” or easy to control, it is not uncommon to attract individuals who tend to be pushy, dominant or bossy. Did you ever notice that “people pleasers” often times find themselves in relationships paired with these types of individuals? “People pleasers” tend to attract people who will take advantage of them. It’s no coincidence.

The second problem with the yielding nature of “people pleasers” is that they adopt the ideas and opinions of others. This means that your thoughts and ideas are not your own; instead they are comprised of what everyone else wants and thinks. In this way, you are not living as authentically “you” but you risk becoming a compilation of others around you. It would be difficult to be truly happy living as somebody you are not.

Fundamentally, “people pleasers” may feel that they are inferior and that others around them are superior. This may be why they’re unwilling to be themselves around others or to show their true selves. Unfortunately, this means that “people pleasers” end up living an unsatisfactory life that includes regularly bending to the will of others, forsaking themselves of who they truly are in the process.

It is also possible that individuals engage in “people pleasing” behavior because it is easier for them to yield to others than to stand up for themselves. Being a “people pleaser” also means that it may not be necessary to form your own ideas, thoughts, opinions, and so forth. If you were assertive and had ideas of your own and you made them known to others, then you would have to deal with whatever consequences were associated with standing your ground. The risk is that there might be negative consequences associated with having an opinion (i.e. someone may disagree with you) and for the “people pleaser”, the thought of someone not liking them may be unbearable. Let me try to explain using a hypothetical situation.

For instance, if you wanted to go the museum but your friend wanted to go to the movies and you told her “for once, can we please do what I wanted to do,” she might get angry with you for not doing what she wanted (because she’s probably used to getting her way with you). If you stood up for yourself and insisted on the movies and this angered her, this would mean that you would have to deal with her becoming angry with you and perhaps you’re not sure how to handle that. As a way to resolve this, you decide “who cares, even though I do not want to go to another movie and we always do what she wants I can go the museum by myself another day” and you tell her, “hey, let’s go to the movies, I can go another day to the museum.” And when you give in, she’s no longer angry with you. In this situation, giving in to her was easier than saying no to her.

The reason why you decided to go to movies and not the museum in this hypothetical situation matters. If you gave into her because you did not want her to be angry with you and you did not want to seem “difficult” this would have been incorrect. The reason is because your motivation to give in to her would have been due to your fear of her disliking you or becoming upset with you. If you said yes to her idea about the movies because you truly wanted to go and the last several times that the two of you were out, you had done what you wanted and you thought it was only fair that you did what she wanted, then going to the movies over the museum would have been appropriate. Again, what matters here is why you would have decided the movies over the museum. If I were your therapist I would be discussing matters like this with you.

Ask yourself these questions: Should your opinion matter less than another person’s opinion? Is what you want to do less important than what someone else wants to do? Aren’t you tired of doing what everyone else wants to do or agreeing with what others say to be true? Where did you learn or when did you come to the conclusion that you are inferior to others?

It is important to recognize that if you have a strong desire to please others as a way to get them to like you, then you are engaging in this behavior at the expense of yourself. This is damaging to you and it is extremely unhealthy. You are not inferior to others; you are their equal. You need to find a way to see yourself as an equal and a person deserving of respect. If you have difficultly realizing these aspects of yourself, then it would be helpful to see a therapist about this matter and learn a more appropriate way to think about yourself and a different way of interacting with others.

[Kristina Randle, LCSW]

Jamaica Teacher's Association Meets at Church

Minister of Education Andrew Holness and president elect of the Jamaica Teachers' Association (JTA), Doran Dixon, participate in the JTA's 44th annual conference church service at the Church of God of Prophecy, Old Harbour Road, St Catherine, yesterday. Dixon will be installed as president during the conference which starts today.

Salaries for teachers and auxiliary fees for schools are expected to be the two major issues to be discussed at the 44th annual conference of the Jamaica Teachers' Association's Annual Conference which gets under way in Ocho Rios, St Ann this morning.

Reg Weaver, president of the National Education Association in the United States, will deliver the keynote address at the conference, which is being held under the theme, "Building a Learning Culture in Schools: Enabling Independent, Enthusiastic and Successful Learners".

During a function that starts at 8 o'clock tonight, Doran Dixon, president-elect of the JTA, will be proclaimed as president of the 22,000-member teachers' union. Barclay is to deliver her final address to delegates and observers.

Would you accept lottery tithes?

After Robert Powell hit the Florida Lottery jackpot last month and took home more than $6 million, he thought of his church. And he offered to drop his tithe, around $600,000, in the collection plate of First Baptist Church in Orange Park.

But the church and Pastor David Tarkington politely declined and told Powell they will not accept the lottery winnings. Pastor David Tarkington would not say exactly why the church refused the money, saying only he "didn't want to talk about members' gifts."

What would you do? (Click "comments" below.)

Church of God of Prophecy International Assembly

The International Assembly of the Church of God of Prophecy ended yesterday in Nashville, Tennessee. It was a success in every way measurable. General Overseer R. E. Howard and wife Bess blessed the gathering with their wit, inspiration, and anointing.

Today's Quote

"Leadership is stewardship, not ownership." Rick Warren

Pastor Sues Denmination for Slander

A pastor who says he was defamed in a scandal involving allegations of "phantom churches" in the Rio Grande Valley has sued the Baptist General Convention of Texas for libel and slander.

The lawsuit by Pastor Otto Arango seeks damages for lost earnings and "past and future mental anguish." Arango's lawsuit also named the Baptist Standard, a Dallas-based newspaper that covers Texas Baptist life.

The Baptist group's executive director, Randel Everett, said the suit was "totally without merit," in Thursday's online edition of The Dallas Morning News.

Arango said he was defamed during an independent investigation requested by the state's largest Baptist group. The investigation sought to confirm whether three pastors actually started 258 new Rio Grande Valley churches, which received about $1.3 million from the denomination. Of those, the investigation concluded that only five to 10 churches exist.

The report cited lax oversight on the part of the Baptist General Convention of Texas. No charges were filed.

Arango's attorney said the Baptist organization spread rumors about the pastor that have made it hard for him to continue working with churches in Texas and across Latin America.

"Our position is those are false, malicious allegations that have hurt him in his trade, especially being a man of the cloth," attorney Carlos Hernandez said.

Marv Knox, editor of the Baptist Standard, said he would not comment on the suit, based on advice from the newspaper's attorney.

[Associated Press]

Victoria Osteen Found NOT Guilty

The wife of Pastor Joel Osteen did not assault a flight attendant during an angry tirade over a stain on her first-class seat, a jury ruled Thursday.

Jurors rejected Continental Airlines flight attendant Sharon Brown's claims that Victoria Osteen threw her against a bathroom door and elbowed her in the left breast while attempting to rush the cockpit because she was angry that a stain on her seat's armrest was not quickly cleaned up.

"I'm glad it's over," Victoria Osteen said afterward. "I expected it because it's the truth and I know the truth always stands firm."

Joel Osteen said he and his family hold no ill will toward Brown.

"It's a great vindication and shows us the faithfulness of God," he said.

Brown was suing for at least $405,000 for physical and mental pain suffered as a result of the attack she alleged had occurred before takeoff aboard a December 2005 flight from Houston to Vail, Colorado.

Brown's attorney, Reginald McKamie, said afterward, "We're disappointed in the verdict."

Victoria Osteen and her husband, who also was aboard the flight, testified that the alleged assault never happened. Three first-class passengers and a pilot aboard testified Wednesday they never saw or heard anything that indicated Victoria Osteen assaulted Brown.

Another flight attendant, Maria Johnson, supported Brown's claims. Both flight attendants testified they had to block the cockpit door to prevent Victoria Osteen from getting inside.

Brown's side earlier sought an apology and punitive damages amounting to 10 percent of Victoria Osteen's net worth as part of her lawsuit. Victoria Osteen's attorney, Rusty Hardin, has declined to discuss her finances. It was unclear what percentage of her net worth the $405,000 might be.

Victoria Osteen told jurors she went up to Brown after no one helped her clean up the spill. She said it was Brown who became angry during their discussion. Victoria Osteen denied ever touching Brown or trying to get into the cockpit.

Hardin tried to cast doubt Brown suffered any physical or mental injuries. Under cross-examination, Brown acknowledged that doctors found no physical injuries on her and she delayed getting psychiatric treatment.

Claudia Hall, a former Continental flight attendant, testified by video deposition she was falsely accused by Brown of hitting and pushing her into the bathroom wall of a plane in November 1995.

Richard Roberts Gets Severance

The former president of Oral Roberts University, who stepped down amid allegations he misspent school funds to live in luxury, is being offered a severance package but university officials won't divulge its terms.

Richard Roberts, the son of school founder Oral Roberts, resigned in November. He and his wife, Lindsay, were accused of spending money on shopping sprees, home improvements and a stable of horses for their daughters at a time when ORU was more than $50 million in debt. Both have repeatedly denied wrongdoing.

Billionaire Oklahoma City businessman Mart Green took the reins at ORU in January, donating $70 million and pledging to restore the public's trust in the small evangelical school. Billy Wilson was selected to serve with Green as Vice Chairman of the Board of Trustees.

On Wednesday, Green called the proposed severance agreement "fair, reasonable, and in the best interest of ORU." The package has yet to be finalized, and Green refused to comment further on the details.

Frank Hagedorn, Roberts' attorney, confirmed the negotiations.

"He was promised a severance and he should get his severance," said Hagedorn, who would not say whether his client was assured severance when he resigned last November.

Critics say any deal for Roberts sends the wrong signal.

Richard and Lindsay Roberts still face a lawsuit brought by two former professors who claim they were forced out after alleging financial and ethical wrongdoing on the part of Roberts and his family. They also are named in a lawsuit brought by Trent Huddleston, a former senior accountant at ORU, who is suing for wrongful termination.

Some Respect Returning For Clergy

Results of the annual Harris Poll that measures the public's perceptions of 23 different professions and occupations indicates that the profession of clergy ranks in the top 10 most prestigious occupations.

Of the 1,010 U.S. adults who were interviewed in July of this year, 40 percent said that the role of Priest/Minister/Clergy had "very great prestige." The top ten occupations ranked by perception of very high prestige were:

• Firefighter: 57%
• Scientist: 56%
• Doctor: 53%
• Nurse: 52%
• Teacher: 52%
• Military Officer: 46%
• Police Officer: 46%
• Farmer: 41%
• Minister/Clergy: 40%
• Engineer: 40%

Of the 23 professions that were ranked, Banker, Stockbroker and Real Estate Agent took the bottom three spots, with only six percent of respondents saying that Real Estate Agent was an occupation with "very great prestige."

It's also interesting to note that, according to the Harris Poll in 1977, the occupation of Clergy was seen as having "very great prestige" by 41 percent of those who were questioned. That number rose to 46 percent in 1998 and dropped to 32 percent in 2004.

For the complete report, visit http://links.mail-family.org/ctt?kn=27&m=2140529&r=MjQzNzQzMTgzMgS2&b=0&j=NTU4MDM5OTcS1&mt=1&rt=0 and search under the listing of the 2008 polls.

Today's Quote

"A failure is a man who has blundered but is not capable of cashing in on the experience." ~ Elbert Hubbard

Daystar Television Network

The Daystar Television Network has announced that tonight and tomorrow night they will broadcast portions of the Church of God of Prophecy International Assembly from Nashville, Tennessee.

Tonight, the broadcast is scheduled for 8:30 PM to 10:00 PM Eastern.

Passengers Say Victoria Osteen is NOT Guilty

Passengers and a pilot testified Wednesday they never saw or heard anything that indicated the wife of renowned pastor Joel Osteen assaulted a flight attendant before the start of a 2005 flight.

Flight attendant, Sharon Brown, is suing Victoria Osteen, claiming the co-pastor of Houston's famed Lakewood Church became verbally and physically abusive before the start of a flight from Houston to Vail, Colo.

The flight attendant claims she suffered physical and psychological injuries after Victoria Osteen got angry that a spill on the armrest of her first-class seat was not cleaned up. Brown says Osteen got so upset, she threw her against a bathroom door and elbowed her in the left breast while attempting to rush into the cockpit.

But three passengers on the plane, one of them called to the witness stand by Brown's attorney, testified Wednesday they were sitting in the first-class section but never heard or saw anything that would have led them to believe Victoria Osteen assaulted the flight attendant.

"There wasn't anything that occurred that she could be suing over," said Laura Knoppe, who was sitting in the first row of first-class seats, closest to where the alleged attack took place.

Knoppe, who was called by Victoria Osteen's attorney, Rusty Hardin, told jurors she never heard Osteen yelling or screaming. She also testified that she had a good view of the bathroom door that Brown claims Victoria Osteen threw her against.

"Did that happen?" Hardin asked

"No," Knoppe responded.

Another passenger, Barbara Shedden, who had been called by Brown's attorney, described the interaction that Brown and Victoria Osteen had on the plane as "just a power of the wills. It was very authoritative on both parts."

A third passenger, James Steele, testified he never heard any yelling or sounds of a physical altercation.

William Burnett, the captain on the flight, told jurors, "There was nobody fighting the flight attendants."

"You had a duty as the captain of this plane to call the police and you didn't do it?" McKamie said. "I didn't see a threat," Burnett said.

Both Victoria Osteen and Joel Osteen, who was on the same flight, testified last week that no attack took place.

Brown wants to be compensated for "anxiety, sleeplessness and public humiliation." She also wants an apology and punitive damages amounting to 10 percent of Victoria Osteen's net worth.

The Osteens are co-pastors of Houston's Lakewood Church, which draws about 42,000 people each week for services. Joel Osteen's weekly television address is broadcast in the U.S. and internationally and his books are sold around the globe.

Rick Warren - Time Magazine

Pastor Rick Warren is on the cover of Time magazine this week along with a full cover story on him.

Here's one opening paragraph from the article: "If Warren is not quite today's Graham, who presided as 'America's pastor' back when the U.S. affected a kind of Protestant civil religion, he is unquestionably the U.S.'s most influential and highest-profile churchman. He is a natural leader, a pathological schmoozer, insatiably curious and often the smartest person in the room. Like Graham, he projects an authenticity that has helped him forge an exquisite set of political connections — in the White House, on both sides of the legislative aisle and abroad. And he is both leading and riding the newest wave of change in the Evangelical community: an expansion beyond social conservatism to causes such as battling poverty, opposing torture and combating global warming. The movement has loosened the hold of religious-right leaders on ordinary Evangelicals and created an opportunity for Warren, who has lent his prominent voice to many of the new concerns. "

Rick Warren has broken many barriers and introduced much change to the American (and worldwide) church; and has done so, for the most part, very graciously. Whether you’re a Rick fan, or one of his self-proclaimed enemies, you’ll want to read this article.

Consider These Questions

Key questions from the Leadership Summit:

1. What are you doing that you should stop doing?
2. What is God trying to show you through your greatest limitation?
3. What has God called you to do that you’re afraid to try?