Why Are Some Leaders Poor at Resolving Conflict?

If you are in leadership, conflict is inevitable. Whether you are a pastor or an overseer, conflict can deteriorate to such an unmanageable level, that barring a miracle, a major rupture within the church, or serious injury to Innocent people is inevitable. Calling upon the services of a conflict resolution specialist before the conflict goes beyond the point of no return may be pivotal to the church's health, well-being, and functional survival.

So why don't some church leaders who feel conflict avail themselves of the help sanctioned by Jesus (Mat. 5:9)? Here are three answers.?

1. It Costs Too Much. With all due respect, this can't be the real reason. If just two or three families leave the church because they are weary and wounded from conflict, the church will lose more income than the cost of bringing in a church conflict resolution specialist. "It cost too much" can't be the real reason.
2. It Will Create More Conflict. "Better to ignore a backyard hornet's nest than try to remove it and really stir things up." This is the way some people think about church conflict. But why don't we say the same thing about people in sin? "Leave her alone. She will steal more clothes at the mall tomorrow if you confront her about the clothes she stole today." The first and most effective way to deal with reality is to name it. Hence, to acknowledge the existence of conflict in the church doesn't magically create more of it. To the contrary, it is the essential first step toward containing it.
3. The Leader is Embarrassed to Admit that He Really Doesn't Know What to Do. Deep down, this is a core reason why church leaders won't avail themselves of the help of a peacemaker. They are reluctant to acknowledge that they haven't been able to manage the conflict, and that the conflict itself, like a tornado, is moving in a direction of its own making, not theirs. But there is absolutely no shame in such an admission. The real failure is not naming that reality and acting accordingly.

Keep in mind that in organizational life of any kind, leaders tend to blame those directly engaged in conflict without realizing that their own actions, or lack thereof, contribute to the workings of the entire system. If, out of frustration, leaders act rashly or with a heavy hand to quell conflict, the division quickly deepens. Conversely, inaction or a "wait and see" attitude is the tinder by which the conflict steadily grows. As Edmund Burke noted, "the only thing necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing."

So what should church leaders do? They should take the one step that offers the best chance of resolving the conflict in a manner that preserves the fellowship of the church. They should utilize the services of one trained in helping people make peace! Jesus sanctioned the work of peacemakers by calling them "blessed." Church leaders, therefore, have no reason to be embarrassed by allowing the people they serve to share in such blessing. Indeed, being open to and following the will of God is what exemplary church leadership is all about!

[from MMI Weblog by Todd Rhoades]

Today's Quote

"The size of your dream determines the size of those who will be attracted to it." - John Maxwell

Death Announcement - Gerdia Shewmaker

Gerdia Shewmaker passed away today. She underwent open-heart surgery a couple of weeks ago and just wasn't able to recover from it.

ClayBar Funeral Home will be in charge of the arrangements. Her obituary will be posted here later. The funeral is expected to be at the Orange Church of God of Prophecy (Texas), Thursday at 10:00 AM.

Gerdia Shewmaker was a long-time trans-local minister in the Church of God of Prophecy.

CLICK HERE for more information.

Today's Quote

“If we take all the goodness, wisdom, and compassion of the best mothers and fathers who have ever lived, they would only be a faint shadow of the love and mercy in the heart of the redeeming God.” (Brennan Manning in The Signature of Jesus).

[From Larry Duncan on FaceBook]

Why Some Leaders Make Really Bad Decisions

Why do potentially good leaders sometimes make really bad decisions? Why do some leaders get caught up in an unending narcissistic cycle? Why do good leaders eventually go bad, mistreat people, and hinder the Kingdom of God?

A bad decision starts with at least one influential person making an error of judgment. But normally, the decision process will save the day: facts will be brought to the table that challenge the flawed thinking, or other people with different views will influence the outcome. So the second factor that contributes to a bad decision is the way the decision is managed: for whatever reason, as the decision is being discussed, the erroneous views are not exposed and corrected.

Drawing on the findings of brain research, our brains use two processes that enable us to cope with the complexities we face: pattern recognition and emotional tagging. Neither of these is inherently bad, in fact they are quite helpful and necessary much of the time.

The problem is when we are faced with new types of input that do not match up with our previous experiences. This most often leads to flawed thinking.

There are four conditions under which flawed thinking is most likely to happen. The first two are pattern recognition problems and the latter are emotional tagging issues.

- Misleading Experiences: If we are faced with unfamiliar inputs — especially if the unfamiliar inputs appear familiar — we can think we recognize something when we do not.
- Misleading Pre-Judgments: When we connect previous judgments or decisions that are inappropriate or inaccurate with our current situation, they disrupt our pattern recognition processes causing us to misjudge the information we are receiving.
- Inappropriate Self-Interest: The reason why self-interest is such a pervasive influence is that it is particularly difficult for decision makers to be self-aware about how their personal interests are affecting their choices. We are particularly prone to screening the effects of self-interest from our conscious mind.
- Inappropriate Attachments: While attachments add greatly to our lives, they can also trap us without realizing it. This includes inappropriate attachments to colleagues when cuts must be made or to a strategy we have an emotional investment in.

[From Sydney Finkelstein, Jo Whitehead and Andrew Campbell’s book, Think Again.]

Is The Church In America In Trouble?

- In America, 4000 churches close their doors each year.
- The vast majority of churches have an attendance of less then 75.
- The number of people in America that Do Not attend church has doubled in the past 15 years.
- Half of all churches last year did not add one new member through conversion growth.
- Only 15% of churches in the United States are growing and just 2.2% of those are growing by conversion growth.
- 1 out of 4 church attendees are considered church hoppers.
- No more then 38% of the population attends church at all and that’s in the Bible belt. The next highest is the Midwest at 25%, West 21% and the Northeast 17%.
- Fifteen hundred pastors leave the ministry each month due to moral failure, spiritual burnout, or contention in their churches.
- Just 1/3 of church attendees believes that they have a personal responsibility to share their faith with others.
- One in four serve in the church they attend.
- 23% of church attendees say they attend a group for growth and accountability.
- 9% tithe.
- 20-25% read their Bible consistently, 59% attend church weekly.
- Only 60% of Christians say they are deeply committed to their faith.

Murray Family Suffering From Cancer

Bishop Billy Murray. former General Overseer of the Church of God of Prophecy, died a few years ago with Lymphoma.

Now, his son DeWayne Murray has been diagnosed with the same cancer type.

Also, Bishop Murray's wife is currently suffering from breast cancer and is undergoing radiation treatments.

Daughter Susan Duncan has also had a few scares with cancer issues.

This is a precious family of faith, highly respected in Pentecostal circles. Please be in prayer for all of them.

Today's Quote

"If your Gospel isn't touching others, it hasn't touched you!" --Curry R. Blake

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Three Things Every Pastor Needs To Do

Over the years, my heart has been broken many times by the moral failure of pastors who were either friends of mine or influential in my life. Some have even been in my own denomination. I have narrowly avoided traps along the way myself.

It is preventable. But, pastors need a constant warning. Geoff Surratt recently posted the following warning on his Blog:

1. If you think you aren't vulnerable, you are already toast. I had a counseling professor in college who said that the pastors who are in the most danger of a moral shipwreck are the ones who think it will never happen to them. If you think you are too honest, too faithful, or too transparent to ever be involved in an affair you are skating on very thin ice. David never thought he'd sleep with Bathsheba until he saw her naked; then he couldn't think of anything else. You can steal money, you can get involved in pornography, you can cheat on your spouse, and you can lie to your family. Every day of our lives we have to remind ourselves we are vulnerable to complete moral failure.
2. If you think you can burn the candle at both ends, you are already toast. There are no super humans in ministry. When I read twitters of pastors who get up at 4:00 a.m. every day, who work seven days a week, who counsel people at night and on their "day off," I know that they are headed for a fall. God took a day off when he was creating the world, Jesus took a beach trip to Tyre and Sidon (Mark 7:24) during his ministry. Unless you know something God doesn't know you are headed for a major fall without regular downtime.
3. If you think you can do ministry without accountability, you are already toast. The only "conversation" I ever had with Gary Lamb was a Twitter exchange over the importance of an accountability group. Gary felt that the Overseers of his church provided all the accountability he needed. My contention is that we need people who are face-to-face with us on a regular basis, who know our wives and our assistants, who can ask us the really tough questions. I don't know if the Overseers provided that for Gary or if a local group would have prevented his fall, but I do know that I need that kind of scrutiny in my life.
4. If you think you don't need safeguards, you are already toast. Filters on Internet access, never handling cash for the church, never meeting with someone of the opposite sex alone, letting others have access to your email; these are such a pain and to be honest I don't always have all of them active in my life. The reality is that safeguards will not keep you from doing what you have already decided to do, but they can give you enough margin to change your mind before you act.
5. If you think it's about you, you are already toast. Failure begins with ego. When you begin to think that success is because you are smart, funny, talented, cool or a 100 other adjectives and not simply because God is God and has chosen to bless you; you are headed down a very dangerous path. When you being to think the ministry will crumble without you and that you have to work 24/7 to make it happen you are headed toward destruction. When you think the rules stop applying to you and you can cut corners and you are above it you are on a crash course for disaster.

As ministers we are in a marathon. If you do not pay attention to the danger signs along the way you will crash before the finish line. Your crash may be a spectacular moral failure, it may be the slow destruction of your marriage, or it may be the rotting of your soul; but Satan will use ministry to destroy you. And God will not say to you in Heaven, "Too bad about your family, but awesome job building a great big church. Fist bump, dude."

Three things every pastor needs to do:

1. Slow down. You will not change the world today and tomorrow isn't looking good either. There is plenty of time to hang with your wife, play with your kids, play golf, relax. God was at work long before you showed up and He will be at work long after you are gone. You cannot live on adrenaline all of the time. You cannot be pumped up about every weekend. If you live that way for an extended time you will crash.
2. Open up. You need someone in your life who knows you inside and out; someone who will ask the hard questions and know when you are ducking the answers. It is difficult as a pastor to find someone you can be truly honest with, but it is essential that you find that person. Another pastor who does not attend your church might be ideal.
3. Count the cost. Every time you are tempted to break a rule, to cut a corner, to go somewhere you shouldn't go consider what it will cost you when it all comes to light. What is going to happen when your wife finds out? How will she feel? What will it do to your children? What will this do to your church?

You don't wake up one day and decide to shipwreck your life. You do it one stupid decision at a time. As someone who has seen this happen again and again and again I am begging you to take action today because it will happen to you.

[from Inner Revolution by Surratt]

What I Have Learned Along The Way

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don’t worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, and wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, and then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words "In five years, will this matter?"
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.
31. However good or bad a situation is; it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come.
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

[Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland, Ohio. “To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I've ever written."]

The Visitation Argument

I recently heard the argument again that all senior pastors must personally visit all church members and do outreach as well. It brought back memories of the expectations of some of the people I have served in the past.

While the pastor is never exempt from the requirement to make personal visits, this expectation does have its roots in smaller churches.

The pastor is a representative of God. When people need God, it is comforting to receive a visit from the one who represents God to them. The personal touch, and personal relationship, are very effective in ministry. Most pastors love to do visitation because it is so rewarding. It is the way true ministry takes place, one on one.

There is a segment of society that will always prefer the personal attention and relationship with the one who carries the title "Pastor." For that reason, there will always be a need for small churches. Some believe that mega-churches in America have just about run their course. The future may see an explosion in the number of small churches, church planting, or even house churches. These small groups consider themselves a "church" and use that title along with the title of "Pastor" for their leader. Every person/member has more influence on the whole group and receives the personal attention of the pastor.

But in more populated areas or larger churches, it is impossible for the pastor to give personal attention to every member. It is debatable how many people a pastor can give personal attention to. But, I have always contended that it is unlikely that a church will break the 200 barrier if the pastor and/or the congregation expect the personal attention of the pastor on a regular basis. It is obvious that Pastor Joel Osteen, Pastor Jetezen Franklin, or Pastor John Hagee could never visit every member even once each year -- it is an impossibility. There are not enough hours in the day nor days in the year.

The churches and pastors who struggle most with this issue are those who attempt to transition from small church to large church. People's expectations are hard to change. "It's always been this way." That is why most churches in America never break the 200 barrier. They don't want to. Change is hard and people don't like it. If a pastor attempts to be a change agent and lead the church in growth, the congregational culture will have to change first, or the church will find a new pastor who will continue in the old ways which they desire. The problem with this attachment to the ways of the past is that in order to keep the church small, it does not make room for the Harvest (the Great Commission work of winning the Lost - new people). If a congregation is truly involved in the Great Commission, baptisms will be happening every week, pews fill up, and attendance grows.

When Christ came to this earth to show us how to do leadership/ministry, here is what He modeled:

• The disciples watched Him minister
• The disciples ministered with Him
• He watched the disciples minister
• The disciples ministered by themselves
• The disciples modeled ministry for someone else
• (The cycle repeats - making disciples who make disciples)

The command which we all serve under is not just to win the Lost, but to make disciples. Church members who refuse to become active in the Great Commission are resisting the concept of the priesthood of all believers. Their mindset is; "We work and we pay our pastor to do all ministry and that's what we expect." The pastor should be the one most involved in ministry. But, that does not exempt every believer from the Great Commission.

May God reinforce every pastor and church leader of all churches of every size to open their doors to new people and become disciple-makers. That means everyone visits and everyone ministers.

Today's Quote

"Unmanaged time surrenders to every emergency.” - Dave Anderson

Top Ten Ways to Ruin Young Pstors

One of the greatest gifts to the church of Jesus Christ is the emergence of so many gifted, passionate and Gospel-loving young adults in ministry leadership.

One of the responsibilities – and joys – of older guys – like me – is to encourage, cheerlead, run interference for and guide young leaders.

Truthfully, I’ve learned so much more from young leaders than I have taught!

Sometimes, the established church demotivates, disenfranchises and disillusions young leaders.

Jason Stockdale, the Worship Pastor at Hope Church (a young pastor!) shared the following link with me.

Sadly, I believe the comments are on-target in so many churches. Gratefully, these tendencies can be guarded against and reversed.

Here are the Top Ten Ways to Ruin Young Pastors:

10. Promise big things in their interviews, and then pull back on those promises once the family is on site.

9. Do not bother mentoring them or investing in their personal or professional development.

8. Ask them to reach new people, but force them to think the same way as the existing staff.

7. Ask them to bring change, but do not allow them to do anything different.

6. Young Pastor’s Concerns = Never Valid. Member’s Concerns about Young Pastor = Always Valid.

5. Give them responsibility, but do not give them the authority to accomplish those things.

4. Give them greater workloads than other pastors, but also less respect.

3. Say one thing in private meetings, another thing in staff or elder meetings, and another thing in Sunday Worship.

2. Reject their ideas, tell them how to do it, and when it does not work … blame them.

1. Allow your personal insecurities to interpret the young pastor’s words and deeds as attempts to mock you or steal your job.

This post was inspired by some of my past experiences and the tragic stories of a number of friends who have entered vocational ministry with passion and commitment, only to be beaten down by leadership of their churches. Some of them have left vocational ministry, all of us have considered that exit. While these friends were not perfect in every situation, none of them were slackers, whiners, heretics, immoral or insubordinate.

[by Sam Shaw]

Pastor, Are You Planning A Move?

Here is a checklist of things you’ll need to tackle as you prepare your team for your departure:

1. Inform your staff and team - let your staff and team know your desire to leave, your transition plan, and how long you have to conduct the transition. Start with staff, then with their guidance determine when to inform your team. Be sure to let your team know why and that it isn’t anything they did, as some may take it personally.
2. Ensure your leaders and managers can operate without you around - you may want to test this by taking a week off occasionally and see what happens. Give them some notice that you’re taking a week off and see if things go smooth without your involvement. If not, you have work to do.
3. Document all procedures - you should already have your procedures documented, but if not now is the time. Make sure everything is up-to-date, simple, and easy to understand
   Plan for plenty of time to transition - be sure to allocate plenty of time. Bill gates took years to prepare his leadership team before leaving the day-to-day operations to others. You may not be leading Microsoft, but you still need to give everyone some time to deal with the process.
4. Help your staff find a new leader - your staff will often need your input on who should take over the team. Don’t just find the first person and shove them into it. Spend some time in prayer and consideration of a few candidates. Then, work with your staff to select the right one.

[from Agile Ministry by James Higginbotham]