- Our sermons run an hour plus and our pews aren't padded: You do the math.- We work our volunteers to death. Then grumble when they want a break.
- Drums are evil.
- Our Sunday morning service is a major production. Sit back and enjoy the show.
- Our people probably won't talk to you until you volunteer for something and even then don't hold your breath.
- We pay lip service to social justice.
- We stand up and sit down a lot, so try to keep up, OK?
- Our sermons have more movie clips than Bible quotes.
- You're going to get lost in our sprawling campus. Bring a map or hire a guide.
- We believe homosexuality is...
- The only diversity you'll find here is in our stock photography.
- We're so heavenly minded that we're no earthly good.
- We plan more social events than Bible studies.
- Nothing ever starts on time at our church.
- Our pastor is a minor celebrity with an ego to match.
- We think the role of women in leadership is...
- We're really old.
- Churchese spoken here. Translators are not available.
- We're good people but we're going to judge you.
- Our children's ministry is an after thought.
- We hug.
- On Sunday morning you'll never/always see an altar call.
- Our people talk more gossip than gospel.
- We lift up our hands and get a little crazy when we worship. It's going to freak you out.
- That's how we've always done it is how we'll always do it.
- That's how we've always done it is how we'll always do it.
[from Church Marketing by Kevin D. Hendricks]
